


the one i used to be, he's in heaven

by divinefortitudebreaker



Category: SINoALICE (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Suicide, Vomiting, act of reality gretel/alternative gretel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28563081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divinefortitudebreaker/pseuds/divinefortitudebreaker
Summary: She wasn’t a waste.She had become an escape.Any time he felt low, she was there.
Kudos: 4





	the one i used to be, he's in heaven

**Author's Note:**

> title is from 'Trash Everywhere' by Takayan

It was a rare sight for the room to be so dark; there was almost always the green glow from a game-themed monitor background, and on the occasion that the room’s occupant shut off the screen, a light shined behind the computer’s power button, as if it was a reminder that something good could come out of even the darkest times.

Not that the youth believed in any of that, though. How many days had it been with the computer as his only solace in the darkness of the world? He had spent days, weeks, _had he spent months inside?_ Time passed on it’s own, not caring if he followed. He had spent what felt like ages by himself, and nothing seemed to change. 

He wasn’t fully alone- he had begun streaming games, a last-ditch attempt to assure himself that he had purpose- he was a recluse, of course, but he had _reason_ to be, he could share his love of games with the world, and he didn’t _need_ to leave his home to talk to people. Of course. He knew it wasn’t true. No matter how he tried to spin the truth. it always hit him. He was a sad, sad, excuse for a being. 

With his computer shut off for the first time in what _had_ to be weeks, the youth slept in a pitch-dark room. ( _It was the best sleep he had in quite a long time_ , he later thought.) For someone so hated by life like him, though, the peace could not last. Sunlight filtered in through thick fabric blocking his window. (He had bought blackout curtains, but not even _they_ could help him. _If they had a choice, they wouldn’t want to help someone like him._ ) 

After an hour of hoping sleep would take him once again, the boy groaned and climbed out of his bed. A new day started, and time once again dragged him along without asking if he cared.

\--

She haphazardly glanced over to her bed and saw a pile of clothes and sheets, something she had neglected to clean for days now. _Why not fold the clothes and straighten the sheets? What a good sister she was._

\--

Two hours of feigning a smile _hurt_ . He had spent the afternoon playing party games with his viewers, and pretending that he was having fun, that he _loved them_ , made him step away from the can-covered desk.

There was food perched precariously on his bedside table. He squinted through his dim lights to see a half eaten plate of curry. _Did he have curry for lunch today?_ The youth remembered eating curry recently, and hoped it had been just a few hours ago as his stomach growled and he picked up the fork.

\-- 

She was scrolling through social media, reading theories for a new game story, as she felt bile rising in her throat. She barely had time to reach her window and push it open before she emptied her stomach on the street below. _He didn’t have to feel that sickness. She took care of it for him. What a good sister she was._

\-- 

“I know the identity of the streamer XXXX.

He went to my school. 

Don’t believe anything he says.

All he does is lie.”

“I found XXXX’s address!

He lives at XXXX in Tokyo.”

“I used to be friends with XXXX.

One of the shittiest people I’ve ever met.”

“XXXX thought he could get away with this www

What a joke www”

\--

_What a joke._

It echoed through his head in the voices of everyone he had wronged. His parents, who were probably more than disappointed with him by now. His old friends, who he had lied to countless times; over and over again, over the smallest and biggest things, until they no longer believed any words that came out of his mouth. And all those who watched his streams; they fucking _gave him money_ \- hundreds of dollars on his better days- _all because of a damn lie._

She wasn’t really there. 

It was all a scheme.

Because everyone under the sun shared their gameplay.

Who would care about any regular old streamer anymore?

All his research, all his practice, all of _her-_ it was all a waste.

What did it even matter anymore?

\--

She laughed.

_What a silly brother!_

She wasn’t a waste.

She had become an escape.

Any time he felt low, she was there.

_What a good sister she was!_

\--

He didn't choke back a tear.

(Was that a good thing?)

He didn't feel anything but happiness.

(Being certain is better, he supposed.)

(That was not a good thing.)

(He didn't care.)

He began streaming for the last time, a smile on his face- a genuine smile, the kind he hadn't put on since the days when he went outside. 

He stepped backwards, up onto the chair.

_Ah, he had a peaceful day today. She was glad._

_He would never have another bad day. What a good sister she was._


End file.
